Facing the death of a loved one who had not confessed faith in Christ

This text is from a letter written by David Gooding in 1999.

I was very sorry indeed to hear your sad news. I think I can understand your grief at the passing of your dear mother, without her confessing, as far as you know, her faith in the Lord for salvation. That is not an experience that I have personally had with any of the members of my immediate family, but it must be an enormous burden of grief and sorrow to bear.

I remember a Spanish lady whom I met some years ago. Her son had come to faith through the witness of students in his university, and he gained assurance of salvation at some study sessions that I conducted. His enthusiasm in taking the gospel to his mother, brothers and other relatives was unbounded. They all came from a very strict Catholic tradition, and he himself had had a Jesuit for his own spiritual advisor; and indeed had been intending to join the Opus Dei before he got converted. I saw him recently, and he has continued in the faith and grown in the Lord throughout nearly thirty years.

But, as I say, on one occasion when I met his mother, and her husband had been dead for some years, she asked me point blank, 'where do you think my husband now is? For, if what you preach is true, he was not saved.' I perceived how difficult it was for a woman like that to accept the gospel, for, as she perceived it, to accept the gospel herself meant that in her mind she was, so to speak, agreeing to the proposition that her husband was lost forever.

How, then, can any one of us reconcile ourselves to the possibility that any one of our loved ones should be lost? For myself, I take refuge in the fact that the God who loves us, loves all his creatures indiscriminately. He expressly declares throughout Scripture that there is no respect of persons with him, meaning there is no favouritism or prejudice. God loves his creatures more than we do, of course, and having made his creatures and brought them into this world without their consent, he would be morally defective if he were not loyal to the creatures he himself has made. That means that God will save all he possibly can; and certain it is that the God who so loved the world that he gave his only begotten Son for whoever will trust him will save as many as he possibly can. That very loyalty to his creatures, however, and his genuine respect for them, means that he must allow them their free will and choice, so that, if any finally choose not to accept him, his very love will respect their choice.

On the other hand, it is not for us to judge in the final sense the reality of a person's faith, or even its existence. When I read the list of the great men and women of faith given us in Hebrews 11 and 12, I notice that included in the list of men of faith is Samson. I confess that, if I had been summing up Samson's life, I would not have easily come to the conclusion that he was a great man of faith—for look at his disgraceful behaviour. God is kinder than I am, obviously; or shall I say that God reads a person's heart better than I possibly can.

And, therefore, I commend you to God's love and grace and the soothing balm of his presence, that in these circumstances you may come to know and rely ever more on the tenderness and the faithfulness of the heart and character of God; and may you be given clearly to know his will as to your future movements.

Meanwhile, do get some rest from what I am sure has been a very busy few years, and may the Lord renew you and restore your strength, so that you can say, 'He restoreth my soul'.

With much love and affection in Christ,

Ever truly yours,